direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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