dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
