I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
