Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
