Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
