I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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