Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
