Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
