not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
