I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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