Cold hands, warm shart.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
