Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
