If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
