.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
