we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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