$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
