Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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