It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
