Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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