just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
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