Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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