is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
