Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
