Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
