Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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