I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
