Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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