got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
