OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
