i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
