You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize