Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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