i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
