I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
