We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
