dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
