i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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