Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
