I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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