My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
