She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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