my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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