who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
