you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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