Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
