I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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