fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
