I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
