he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
