you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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