i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
