I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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