Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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