You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
