I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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