yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
