barbara walters just said penis...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize