Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
