Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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