I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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