dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
