her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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