At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize