State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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