If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
