Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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