her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
