Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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