just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
