I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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