I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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