what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
