I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
